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  Gordon Lawrie

  Comely Bank Publishing

  ©Gordon Lawrie rights reserved

  This edition published 2016

  by Comely Bank Publishing on the

  ISBN: 9781310273711

  Contents

  Foreword

  Introduction

  How To Use This eBook

  Crime And Justice

  BOLOGNA TO RAVENNA, OCTOBER 2013

  ALL IN THE NAME OF

  THE HANGING JUDGE

  THE BODY IN THE LIBRARY

  SUMMARY JUSTICE

  ABRAHAM ZAPRUDER

  THE CUT THROAT GANG

  THE HACKER

  DISSIDENT

  ON THE NAUGHTY STEP

  THE SUPREME COURT RULES

  MORNING BREAK WITH THE BOYS

  BREAK-IN AT THE DEAD OF NIGHT

  WHITE LILIES

  GUYS AND DOLLS

  History

  4th AUGUST, 1914

  VECTORS

  CHEZ CAESAR

  TRAITORS

  A.D. 1582

  BURMA, 1944

  ORVILLE AND WILBUR FLIGHT

  RUSSIAN LEFT BOOT DAY

  Art And Literature

  DEL’S INSPIRED MOMENT

  IN AN OFFICE SOMEWHERE

  HARD TIMES

  AN IMAGINARY AUDITION

  PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, FINGER-LICKIN' STYLE

  PRIDE AND PREJUDICE N' A SINGLE DEEP-FRIED MARS BAR

  THE VISITING SPEAKER

  A QUOTE FROM THE PAINTER

  THE CRITIC

  OZ REVISITED

  METAMORPHOSIS

  THE WILLIAMS FAMILY AND THE TWIN-NECKED FOURTEEN-STRING BANJO

  INSIDE THE LOUVRE

  PRIDE AND PREJUDICE ON THE No36 BUS

  Love And Romance

  LOVE STORY No. 1

  LOVE, SCOTTISH-STYLE

  LOVE STORY No. 3

  A FINE ROMANCE

  ROMANTIC FIREWORKS

  LOVE IN THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY

  TENDER IS THE NIGHT

  DINNER ON ST VALENTINE’S DAY

  THE PRICE OF LOVE

  AN AGE-OLD STORY

  HER FINAL MEAL

  HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, DARLING

  DAVID AND MARCIA, A LOVE STORY

  BREAKFAST ON ST VALENTINE’S DAY

  LOVE DOWN THE DRAIN

  ILL-STARRED BY MOONLIGHT

  Science, Technology & Sc-Fi

  IN THE NEAR FUTURE

  PERSONAL SERVICES

  IN-FLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT

  UNECLIPSE

  WRONG TURNING TO THE MOON

  DOES FLASH GORDON LIVE HERE?

  DOES EVERYONE GET THESE?

  IT’S WRITTEN IN THE STARS

  Horror

  SWEET DREAMS

  FORTHCOMING ATTRACTION

  THE UNRINGING

  THE DOOR

  TRICK OF THE LIGHT

  THE DOOR IN THE BASEMENT

  FOREST HALT

  LUNCH AT THE VAMPIRES' GUILD

  SNAKE

  Sport And Leisure

  EMILY'S DRIVING TEST

  WINTER OLYMPICS, 2022

  THE KILLING FIELDS

  DEMI ON THE CATWALK

  THE BEGINNINGS OF GOLF

  THE OPEN GOLF CHAMPIONSHIP

  PUTTING FOR FOUR

  ADDICTION

  EXTRA-HOT MINCED BEEF CURRY

  Christmas

  READY FOR SANTA CLAUS

  CHRISTMAS MARK II

  BREAKDOWN

  A POSSIBLE EXPLANATION FOR ONE OF THE BIBLE’S GREAT LATE ARRIVALS

  INTERNET DATING AT CHRISTMAS

  NATIVITY SCENE No.1

  APPLICATION FOR POST WITH AMZON*

  THE HOUR OF THE ANGELS

  Miscellaneous

  BAD NEWS AT THE DOCTOR’S

  BUTTERFLY

  SHARED EMBARRASSMENT

  ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE

  FAILED DELIVERY

  SERVING HER EVERY NEED

  THE REAL REASON WHY KINDLES WERE INVENTED

  THE GREATEST STORY EVER

  THE OLD CRONE

  A STUDY IN YELLOW

  GUESS WHAT HAPPENED AT WORK TODAY

  THE PLUTONIAN GENERAL ELECTION

  “WASTE OF TIME FRIDAY”

  Acknowledgements

  About The Author

  Also By The Author

  Other Titles From Comely Bank Publishing

  WHAT’S THE POINT?

  FOREWORD

  Some years ago, I started up a discussion thread in a writers’ group, asking people to contribute flash fiction.

  As it was a Friday (and I love alliteration), I called the thread Friday Flash Fiction – and lo, a movement was born. The thread became a website, a blog and eventually a group of its own.

  Gordon Lawrie has always been a champion and a stalwart of the Friday Flash Fiction movement. He set up the website and he contributes a short story every week, without fail. This book is a collection of some of his finest flash fiction and I’m sure everyone will find a story that chimes with their own experiences.

  There are stories that will make you shake your head in recognition, satire that will make you wince and some odd flights of fancy involving dragons, cats, life on Pluto and of course golf. Most of all, though, you will probably laugh. Gordon has a keen sense of humour and that definitely shows in his writing. I defy you to read the whole book and not to laugh out loud at least once.

  Once you’ve read the book, I’d urge you to try out Gordon’s sense of humour in longer form – Four Geezers and a Valkyrie is a cracking good read.

  Finally, do you have some flash fiction in you? If so, Gordon and I entreat you become part of the Friday Flash Fiction movement. You’ll find the website at www.fridayflashfiction.com if you’d like to join in.

  Emma Baird, May 2016

  INTRODUCTION

  Followers of social media will be aware of LinkedIn, best described as Facebook for business folk. There they parade their wares, their skills, generally show off and fall out with each other in just the same way as people do on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or whatever the latest hip medium is. Occasionally you might be offered a job totally unsuited to your CV, but it’s not a place you expect to make good friends.

  As a struggling (for which read “failed”) author and would-be publisher back in August 2013, I was trawling through LinkedIn trying to pick up some tips in this bear pit when I stumbled across a “Discussion” started by Emma Baird, who it later transpired lived only 40 miles or so away. She'd thrown out a challenge to anyone and everyone to write a story of no more than 100 words, not including the title, and post it the following Friday.

  Someone did. Then another, then another, then another until eventually thousands upon thousands of stories had been submitted. One of those who submitted was me, and because Emma makes a point of welcoming all newcomers individually I was encouraged to write more, not only every Friday but on other days, too. I discovered that people liked to listen to these super-short stories, and whenever I did an author event to promote my book and other writing I found my own personal 100-word stories kept the audience entertained, or at least from falling asleep.

  By now, I’d formed a self-publishing cooperative which published not only my own first novel but several other books besides, including Emma Baird’s own first novel, and along the way I found that I’d not only acquired a very good friend, she’d become my closest literary confidante and adviser. The only problem turned out to be that writing flash fiction was in itself a real distraction from serious writing, and I’ve ended up with six or seven half-written “difficult second novels” as Emma likes to refer to them.

  Meanwhile, the “us
ed” 100-word yarns disappeared into an archive where they remained forgotten, and it was only when I recently opened up a folder on my laptop that I discovered that I myself had written hundreds of these things without being aware of it.

  So here’s a small selection, exactly 100, for your amusement. I’ve divided them into categories although quite a few could pop up in more than one, so it’s a bit arbitrary. Each story is 100 words long on Word’s wordcount, which counts hyphenated words as one. You might occasionally feel that’s cheating. For me, that’s a frankly-my-dear-I-don’t-give-damn situation. (That last sentence therefore has six words.) Either way, they’re for reading on your ereader on the bus or last thing before you go to bed at night, and you can safely read something like War And Peace simultaneously as your light relief. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them.

  Gordon Lawrie, May 2016

  A REMINDER ABOUT USING EBOOKS

  It would be nice if all the stories in this short collection filled just one page exactly, but despite being all the same number of words it doesn’t seem to work that way. I suppose that some of the words are longer, and spacing and carriage returns seem to have led to considerable variations, too.

  However, as usual with all ebooks, it’s possible to alter the font size to suit your own personal preference, and the reader is recommended to read this in whatever way seems most comfortable to them. Then just sit back and relax.

  THE

  STORIES